"Straight" and "Not Straight" Physicists Gear Up In Fight for god (particle)

The CERN Particle Accelerator is now producing particle collisions at half power, with egg-heads all atwitter about finally finding "the god particle". These energy levels are already out-producing the Tevatron output making for some keen pillow fights (or whatever the high IQ equivalent is among these types).

Some have speculated that what is truly needed is a new Linear Accelerator of sufficient size to even out-produce CERN's recent advances.

Will the "Straight" Physicists find the god particle before the "Non-straight" physicists. Or will one turn up in some chemists test-tube instead?  And what will the god particle have to say about our choice of straight-lasted vs. curve-lasted running shoes?