My Foursome: A Gimp, a Limp, a Simp and a......

Mike McCahill, Coach Fritz Spence, Tim Johnson and Your Humble Host being photographed by Digital Archive Goddess Kay Warfel. Photo by Mark Hawkins.

I really do need to take lessons.  This was the worst I have ever played.  With no Mulligans, putting strings or other gimmicks, the scramble format exposed my pink under-belly of golfing talent and led to a frustrating afternoon of thrashing and wailing after little white balls.  I'm happy I pay about 25 cents apiece for the little dimpled orbs, as I left quite a few on the grounds of the Mountain View Country Club (formerly the Elks Club Course).


The greens were fast and somehow tilted more than they used to be.  But it was good to see the course in such good shape otherwise.  At least after you slice your shot 2 fairways to the right, you have a splendid view of either Nittany Mountain or Ski Mont (or whatever they call it nowadays!). I didn't even have any "cheater golf balls" left over from previous years. (These balls are slightly smaller than real ones, and have more dimples.  They supposedly were supposed to give me an extra 10 yards on my 150 yard drives.  As if any would ever notice!). Our group started out with 8 straight bogeys, a feat hard to do in the scramble format.  We were truly horrible at first.  But then, something clicked, and we played the last 10 holes at one-under par, right on pace with the best foursomes in our 9 foursome tourney.

My only good shot was 30 foot putt that I made with a twice-bent blade putter from the 1950s.  Several others may have recognized this club, as it was frequently in the extra bag people needed in previous years.  And it was once left on a green and retrieved by a generous alum who could have easily pitched it into the can as a club no one would ever want. It now has putter cover and has been renamed Billy Berue.

The Limp was Mike McCahill who hurt his calf muscle by picking up a golf ball while practicing putting.  I'm not making that up.  He played well despite the increasing limp during the round and I saved him from next-day incapacity by dispensing him some Celebrex after the round, a drug which gave Ken Brinker the ability to retire early to Florida and enjoy the good life. (You're welcome , Ken!)  Mike is a long-term member of our group.  I think he's only missed one Coach Groves Tournament.

The Gimp was Tim Johnson who suffered a debilitating "groin pull" recently playing ultimate frisbee.  I'm not making that up.  He was hoping continued golfing would improve his condition, which may or may not have happened.  Tim also played well at times, but we could tell the groin was holding him back.  I know the feeling, even after 30 some years. I had a groin-pull from fencing class at PSU gym class.  Yeah, I'm that dumb, which brings us to......

The Simp is me, of course.  As one of only 2 or 3 golfers to have braved this tourney every year, you would think I would learn my lesson and either take lessons or give up the game.  A Simp never learns...

The fourth in our group was Coach Fritz Spence.  He even agreed to be The Wimp to make things somewhat complete, but I don't have the heart to follow through with calling him that.  It doesn't fit at all, and neither does Blimp, Primp or Shrimp.  I was happy to share the cart with him as I set up my 7th grader's PSU Track Camp visit to spend time with him as the Women's Multi-Event Coach.  It was a pleasure to meet him and as a Bahamian who knows Mike Sands, I have hope he can help set up our dream of a Winter Coach Groves Golf Tourney in the Bahamas.  I'll bet we can get at least 2 foursomes for Paradise.