20 Years of Suite Bliss!

Spent the weekend in State College celebrating 20 years of marriage. We were married at Eisenhower Chapel and had the first ever reception at The Atherton Hotel. Even got the same honeymoon suite as twenty years ago!

Gave me an opportunity to scope out the family activities anticipated for next year's event. The All Sports Museum is fine and of course The Berkey Creamery is the best thing ever. Both are self tours and each has a wonderful "gift shop" at the end. We will even have courtesy transportation to and from the tours. Golfers may opt out of The Elks Club shenanigans next year just for a cone of Peachy Paterno!

Another Day, Another Continent and More!

Today's horde of web-site hits included the African Continent and Cost Rica, (that's Central America, not another continent for us non-liberal arts graduates). World domination continues unabated.

The hit from Harare, Zimbabwe is probably from Munya Maraire, winner of 2007's best shot. Let's all hope that capitalism and democracy returns to his country soon. At last report, Munya was working with the youth of his country, promoting sports. As an aside, he went to high school in Alaska. Now that's getting around.

The hit from Costa Rica baffles me, but it must indicate South America will be succoming to the temptations of PSU Track Alumni Golf soon.

Things You Can Do On This Web Site:

1. Keep up to date with all the happenings associated with The Harry Groves Memorial Golf Tournament and Reunion, May 22-24, 2009. Submit your entry form online toward the bottom of the site. It's secure, and you can lock in your price! It's not too early to let us know if you are coming. Monies can be submitted later.


2. Participate in the Message Board. Rant and rave with other idiots on the newly added thread- writing section. Thanks to Rob Whiteside for the suggestion. It only took me two weeks to figure out how to do it! How come everyone goes there, but never posts anything?

3. View slide-shows of past Tourneys and Reunions. The 2006, 2007 and 2008 tourneys are well documented, as well as Coach Grove's Retirement Party. You can click on the photos to view them in full size, with captions. From there you can download them or purchase prints.

4. Watch actual raw footage of Coach putting or snacking on potato chips. View wondrous golf techniques of many of our attendees, as well as putting tips from me. Watch PSU Track and Field Alumni Golf: The Movie.

5. Watch snippets from the three best movies ever made; Caddyshack, Animal House, and Slap Shot. The favorite movies of various alumni will be rotated in occasionally.

6. Add your name to the guest book at the bottom of the site.

7. Voice your opinions in the various polls, added sporadically.

8. E-mail the various idiots-in-charge. including Harry Smith, Gary Black, Clark Haley and me. Give us ideas of new perks and features you wish to see. Ask us specifics about next year's event or let us know if you plan to attend.

9. Check out the weather forecast for State College. Feel good that there's always worse weather there than where you are.

10. View photos of past winners of the Tourney and view a listing of the Hall of Past Champions.

11. Keep up with current PSU Track and PSU Cross-Country news.

12. Get splendid golf tips from Arcamax Publishing or poor golfer's tips from me.

13. Read all the old posts using the Blog Archive. Nothing like reading stupid ramblings from prior months.

14. Syndicate the site with the Atom Feed or RSS.

15. Donate to the General Fund. You can specify where any monies are to be spent. (I have a Taco Bell Lunch coming from one splendiforous philanthropist.) Really, any donations will be used to defray my costs in getting neat-o shirts made, or you can specify the money go toward the scholarship we one day hope to create in coach's name.

16. Read the daily comic, available now! Doonesbury and Calvin and Hobbes!

17. Opt-in to be emailed whenever there are changes or updates to the site.

18. Keep coming back, day after day after day. Help us move up the Google rankings! Bookmark the site and check out the new favicon! (We are currently #5 out of 40,000 sites under the keywords Penn State Track Alumni Golf!)

19. Search the site for mentions of your friends with the Google Search button at the very top left of the site.

Middle East Added to Blog

Another international visitor to the website from Tel Aviv graced our lowly blog today. PSU Track Alumni Golf is spreading rapidly around the globe. The prospects for peace in the region have been increased at least a little bit.

Vote for the inclusion of a daily cartoon, comment to any post entry, or sign the guestbook at the very bottom of the page. If inclined, donate to the general fund for the benefit of all. Every donation will be confidential, secure and much appreciated. Confirmation is obtained via Pay Pal, the number 1 facilitator of web money transfer. Gary Black will be in charge of financial interests /donations and a thorough audit will be available anytime. I promise not to abscond with the $75.00 so far pledged! I'm working on quality polos right now; t-shirts will be later. Let me know if you are interested. Spread the word, if we get 45 golfers next year we can offer a $10,000 prize for a hole-in-one! (Even though our goal is 30).

So far, there are 13 confirmed golfers already committed for next year, with 5 bringing spouses and 4 bringing children! We are redoubling our efforts to bring in additional "A" golfers and "A" level track athletes. Maybe even some BIG surprises. Remember, "D" golfers like me are just as valued!

"The Beast" feasts on Elk:

Paul Mundy's new club, "The Beast" was unveiled at the Elks Club Course on May 31. At first look, the club appeared to be a frying pan, but further inspection revealed the graphite shaft jutting out from one corner. It could actually be heard chuckling to itself when compared to lesser normal clubs. When placed back in the bag, it must be covered or it will start to feed on wedges and putters. Par 5's actually make it giggle with anticipation. If not used on long holes, it will bite Paul when he pulls out other clubs.

Using "The Beast", Paul reached the green on two par 4's. Internal hydraulics, intricate circuitry or voodoo needles allow an 80% fairway percentage despite the extra distance. Cost of the new club was not discussed, but Paul has made up most of his outlay by selling viewings of it for $1.00 a pop.

Fixed: Nick K's 2008 Tourney Photos have been added. The problems with the web site's slide show viewer are over! He has also supplied the missing photo for the winning four(five)some so he has been awarded the large cash jackpot. Note the donate button in the upper right.

PSU Track Alumni Outreach Program

In an effort to entice additional participation next year, we have begun an outreach program to visit recent non-participants at their home. The first stop was suburban Philadelphia where we visited Zeb Stewart and begged him to come next year. Sign up early and avoid an embarrassing visit from one of our facilitators! Zeb was gracious as always but made no promises. Others may help by applying pressure via email. New Jersey, New York City or North Carolina may be next on the list, so beware.

Additional pictures from the disposable cameras have been added to the slide show on the 2008 tourney. Clark Haley, Harry Smith and Paul Mundy held the cameras most of the time, but by appearances, squirrels took most of the pictures. A big hat-tip goes to Rob "Brotherhood" Whiteside, who has generously added new portraits to the slide show on Coach's retirement.

Hip Hip Hooray!

In an effort to get his name on the cup a second time, Gary Black has opted for drastic bionic enhancement. In replacing his hips on both sides, he desperately wants to straighten his putting technique and transform "the yips" into "the yippees".

But desiring to save money he has selected the "Bogey" model of prosthesis, which consists of a half golf ball glued to the end of a brass blade putter, (see photo). Only time will tell whether this is money well spent.

For the time being, he is in rehab, (not THAT type of rehab, you idiot!) He is only trying to walk better and defeat his addiction to Mountain Dew. The surgery went so well that he has upped his goal mile time to 6:30 using his extra year of eligibility.

PSU Track and Field Alumni Golf: The Movie Premiere

Be aware, it's 25 minutes long, and rated R for inane language and emotional nudity.

Website Goes Global

Our first international visitor to the website registered a hit today. The beautiful city of Toronto is only the first step to total world domination, eh. Donuts for everyone.

In other news, Kenny Loggins, Eric Clapton and AC/DC have been selected for the audio on our movie. Production is slowed by the poor video footage from our intrepid videographers (that means you Clark!).

Red Wings Win the Other Cup

The Detoit Red Wings won their 4th Stanley Cup in 11 years last night. Three sport star, Steve Balkey (thats track, hockey and golf for most of us idiots) and Brian Laird are known to be saddened by the Penguins loss. But remember, each of you has your name on the Real Cup more than once! "Special" K has not sipped champagne from the Holy Grail of PSU Alumni Golfers yet, and will have to return next year for another chance. Sort of like Ray Bourque a few years ago, or Dallas Drake last night. Good luck hombre, it ain't easy.

Coming Soon:

New photos from Clark Haley's and Harry Smith's $1.00 disposable cameras and "Special" K's $29,000 digital camera will be arriving soon. I hope the $1.00 cameras don't out-perform the digital monster. More videos will be appearing shortly, as well as the movie trailer for "PSU Track Alumni Golf-The Movie". Rock groups are being auditioned to provide the audio for the trailer. Steven Spielberg has expressed interest in directing but after seeing the previews of his latest movie I'm putting him off delicately.

Readers have expressed a desire for a thread-writing ability, but for now you can comment on any post at the bottom of each one (keep it clean), or in the guestbook at the very bottom of the page. These can be viewed by anyone with a simple click, so it will have to do for now. I'm a nerd, just not a good one.

All photo-shows can be clicked on to view in full size, with the appropriate captions included. I still have lots of room on the free server, so if you want to add any, send them my way. Most of all, spread the word, next year is going to be a really fun time for all of us and our families.

All old posts can still be viewed by going to the Blog Archive in the right -hand column. Even monkeys can figure out how to get there, but not all of us idiots!

In another aside, Bill Malchano wants to know who told me how to spell his name. You were wrong, just like Coach always was. Lucky I can't remember who I asked.

Coach Groves Shows Us How!

Short game expert, Coach Harry Groves shows Skwilli the proper line and the proper speed of this treacherous putt. With the pressure on, the camera rolling, the putt is drained like a Rec Hall shower. ( The old Rec Hall; most of you guys never got the glorious burst of scalding water whenever anyone flushed.) Oh, the wonderful times! Now enhanced with a second example! Irrefutable video evidence of this foursomes putting superiority.

Winning Four(Five)some Can't Putt!

In a hideous display of inept putting, the winning four(five)some raise serious questions about the legitimacy of their (-6) score. Judge for yourself. A petition is being circulated asking for a congressional investigation of the scorecard. Harold Ickes has left the Clinton campaign to head the effort. Swarms of lawyers are travelling to Florida to contest the scorecard's hanging chads, and to decide if all absentee alum golfer's votes were counted. Bob Gifford is said to be livid as he was not consulted on the card's signing. Signs saying "Selected Not Elected" have been seen along College Avenue.

Wonderful Prizes!

For the first time in the history of the event, three cars were awarded as part of the Prize Package. Donations are already being accepted for next year's event.

Taxes and titles are the responsibility of the winners, but a notary will be on-call for immediate help. Several lawyers can be found wandering the grounds during the tournament, so all bases are covered.

Sign up early for next year's festivities and recieve a 20% discount. The first confirmed alums from the 70's and the 90's will be half price! Bring along another track alum who hasn't come before and be in a drawing for a gas card to defray your expenses in getting to State College. More details and exciting news will be upcoming, so stay tuned to the web-site. Keep us bookmarked for ease in communication.

End of Universe Narrowly Avoided:

Top physicists argue that the universe was spared yesterday, as the foursome including Coach Harry Groves fell one stroke short of winning his own memorial tournament. If his own name appears on The Cup, they propose, the precise balance of the dark matter comprising
99% of the universe would become unstable. Black holes in the center of the galaxy would then accelerate beyond the speed of light, and all matter would soon become obsolete.

Stephen Hawking was quoted as saying "bweep, dingle, mwoop, borgle, dom", as his voice synthesizer is on the fritz. It is believed to mean he was quite relieved after learning the score.

Overall first place went to the foursome of Clark Haley, Brian Laird/Bill Whittaker, Steve Balkey and Mike McCahill. (Brian Laird had to leave early either to make the Stanley Cup Finals or to meet "clients" at Cafe 210. Inquiries are being made.) A Tournament and Course record of 6-under par place them at the top of this pathetic bunch.

Only one stroke back. the foursome of Paul Mundy, Nick "Special" K, David Baskwill and Coach Groves pushed the leaders in unexpected ways. Coach provided amoral support in the form of four-letter tirades and an uncanny grasp of the rules of golf. An eagle on the par 5 fifth hole was aided by the original Queensbury Rules which state that "Stupid bird-houses on poles are not really barriers to four men with clubs."

Weekend Coordinator Harry Smith's foursome also broke par, despite the fact that Gary Black needed a bag of painkillers just to get to the first tee. He promises next year to bring his bionic, surgically recreated body back for a shot at the title. Post-tournament banquet hosts Steve and Beth Shisler rounded out the game foursome. Stormstown residents are now banding together in order to pass a new noise ordinance to combat the regrettable rowdiness we provided. The recycling center nearby, however, was pleased with the sudden influx of bottles and cans.

Award winners included:

Longest Drive: Beth Shisler (prid'ner near 305 yards) ; prizes included a hybrid club and a Toyota Camry SE

Closest to the pin: Clark Haley (13 feet 10 inches); prizes included a distance-finder and a BMW convertible

Longest Trip: Gary Black (309 miles), Charlottesville, VA; a golf umbrella

Longest Putt: Mike McCahill, 10 feet 10 1/2 inches; a set of iron covers and a Steelers edition pick-up truck

Ghostman Award (Longest time before participating in the event): Coach Groves; a golf hat

Shot-of-the-day: Steve Shisler; a ball retriever, for hitting the parking lot on Hole 9

Rob Whiteside "Brotherhood Award": Coach Groves; a golf book

Numbnutt Award #1: Brian Laird, for leaving early; Spongebob Squarepants golf balls

Numbnutt Award #2: Paul Mundy, for invoking Queensbury Rules; a golf hat

Thanks also to the Honorary Course Marshall for the event Greg Fredericks who allowed the use of rules originally meant for boxing, and his tireless efforts to make putting on Hole 16 memorable. Coach Whittaker is commended for mopping up for Brian Laird on Holes 7-18. We hope to see more Honorary Captains at the next year's event.

Harry Smith performed flawlessly in his first year as Coordinator, providing us with the first smile on Clark Haley's face in 7 years. Clark will continue to enjoy his retirement in the Garden State.

Anything I forgot?