RIP Stephen Hawking

News has filtered out that Stephen Hawking has died at the age of 76. It is quite a miracle that he survived as long as he did. A testament to those who looked after him.  Quite a life, indeed.

Stephen was our original Official Physicist on the blog. (Everyone should have an Official Physicist, after all.)  He has been supplanted by Nuclear Engineer Brian Boyer following his golfing with us AND WINNING TWICE! (A lesson to other non-golfers out there.)  We also have Ron Moore, Erwin Shroedinger Endowed Chair For Advanced Physics.

Stephen Hawking on The Simpsons:



Stephen Hawking introducing the Big Bang Theory panel at Comic Con:

We Shouldn't Be Here: A Long Overdue Physics Post With A Spinal Tap Connection

I have been remiss in not having the requisite amount of Physics content on this PSU/Track/Physics/Golf Blog.  Turns out that even the Brainiacs at the CERN Supercollider can't figure out why the Big Bang led to the Universe. (My bet is on the thumb of God!) So let's get right to it...

We Shouldn't Be Here

And a surefire way to crash the Internet is to post Stephen Hawking's Doctoral Thesis for all to read.

Stephen Hawking Crashed The Internet 

And when Stephen Hawking needed protection from bullies at St. Albans Boarding School in England, he ended up offering Tony Hendra math homework for protection.  Tony Hendra ended up as a bigwig at National Lampoon and as the Manager of the rock group Spinal Tap.

Physicist Joins Monty Python

There is a connection between Penn State Track Alumni and Monty Python I hope one day to report, but in the mean-time, here's Stephen Hawking singing the Galaxy Song from "The Meaning of Life".

The Rules of Our Golf Tourney

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Coach Groves once opined "You must do something about the cheating." after golfing 2 holes with each of our foursomes in 2009.  He was joking, of course, as there is no cheating in our tourney.*  But there are some accommodations for the lesser talents among us.

The tournament is a best-ball scramble, which means that each foursome hits four shots from each position, always getting their choice of the next shot.  This means that even your luckiest shot ever can be a big boon to the squad even if you never hit another good one all day.  And everyone can putt as evidenced by this incredible video of me sinking a 20 footer after Coach Groves showed me the line!



Further making your horrible game productive is the ability to augment your scoring ability AND the coffers of the Track Scholarships by purchasing Mulligans and putting strings.  A Mulligan allows you to take a shot over just like President Clinton, and the string allows you to count a putt that is within a foot of the cup.  This could be just the difference needed to get your name on the Coach Groves Memorial Cup!

*I readily admit to using "cheater" golf balls frequently.  These balls are slightly smaller and have extra dimples to add 5 to 10 yards to my whooping 150 yard drives.  No one seems to care, as the number of my drives counted in 10 years of consecutive appearances is still contained within one hand of a Simpson's character (even Stephen Hawking only has 4!).

"Quite a Boner" -Stephen Hawking

All the Physics on this blog is just superficial gibberish that most can readily grasp. At least until the Track Alumni Physicists among us supply me with some content with heft.

 "I was told there will be no math on this blog."

Good thing too, as even Sheldon Cooper can be tripped up by it.

Physicists About to Come to Blows?

Stephen Hawking is still swinging for the seats.  This time he contradicted his earlier proclamation that "The Big Bang" and God can coexist quite nicely, (A Brief History of Time).

Now that he no longer cares what others think of him he states,

"Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing,"

But the Bard of Rob Whiteside's current town once said,

“Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.”

Gentleman, back to your corners, let's keep it clean, and come out fighting at the bell.  (Who would win a fight between an ALS sufferer and a long dead heavyweight of his field?)

Just When I Thought It Was Save To Return to Outside Jogging!!

We're all going to die.  The sky is falling.  And  much more that is even worse!  Stephen Hawking continues to let loose with his most deeply held beliefs.  This time he says we need to leave Earth in order to survive as a species.  Maybe in the next 100 years.  Just after the people in charge ended America's role in putting Man into space.  It's up to the Chinese, Russians, Indians and the Iranians apparently.  Best of Luck, Yankees.

A Comeback for String Theory? A Defeat for Gravity?

Physicists are a strange lot.  String Theorists make other Physicists look like the guy next door, though.  These two twins who married and divorced sisters may take the cake. They postulate that Gravity does not exist, and is just an illusion of the Laws of Entropy.  Way over my head, but then very learned Physics Scholars also don't quite understand much of it.  Be careful before beginning to read This, (and it is a New York Times link!)

And for the rest of us, not able to quite get past the first few sentences of the article, there is always This!  It's about time cheeseburgers were lengthened!  There is a $25 gift certificate to the PSU Track Alumni Golf Store for the first person to try a Carl's Jr. Foot-Long Cheeseburger and write a review for the blog!




Bonus Footage of Sir Stephen Hawking sans Gravity!

Time Travel is Possible

Maybe not with a hot tub, but possible none-the-less.  And I'm using a reliable source for back-up on this one.  None other than Stephen Hawking himself.

When I think of Hawking I'm always reminded of his days as an English boarding school student being tormented by his peers, including National Lampoon's Tony Hendra for his math homework.  Only English Boarding Schools could prepare someone for a life trapped in a wheelchair with a voice synthesizer!

Apparently, Professor Hawking always thought time travel was possible, but refused to discuss it because he was afraid of the abuse he would take.  Now, he says he no longer cares what others think of him and he has let loose with many of his conjectures.  He postulates that only one-way time travel is possible.  Which means you can travel ahead in time and take a run with your great granddaughter or great grandson but not back in time to run with your great grandfather.

Physics Update: End of the World, Again?

Again, physicists are asking questions about the Hadron Collider and the possible end of the world this summer when it is finally switched on.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,483477,00.html

Could this be the last Coach Harry Groves Golf Outing in May? Don't miss out, sign up today!

PSU Track Alum physicists are encouraged to respond. (Brian Boyer, this means you!)

Wouldn't any of you want a tattoo of Stephen Hawking* on your leg?

*Official PSU Track Alumni Physicist, (only because Richard Feynman is dead and Brian hasn't golfed with us yet!)

End of Earth Again Debated

I have a bet of 100 dollars that we won't find the Higgs," added Hawking, whose books including "A Brief History of Time"

Official PSU Track Alumni Physicist Stephen Hawking and Nelson Mandela bet against the end of the Earth following the start of the CERN Supercollider in Europe. Some fear that in the search for the "God Particle", black holes will be created destroying the Earth in 8 seconds. (Not kidding! If so, the Tourney is postponed indefinitely!) We already know that only if Coach Groves name appears on the Memorial Cup, will conditions be right for such a catastrophe.

http://psutafalumnigolf.blogspot.com/2008/06/end-of-universe-narrowly-avoided.html

Apparently the Earth was not destroyed on initial testing, but the "big bang" stuff is yet to come. Stephen has not yet won the bet.

Addendum: (9/19/08):http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,425405,00.html

Scandinavians Succumb:

A fresh web site hit from Malmo, Sweden (I'm not making this up!) , according to the official PSU Track Alumni physicist Stephen Hawking. Either that or it heralds a coming ice age, bucking the popular global warming predictions. I figure an ice age is more likely, but I hold out hope our little collection of reprobates will be enhanced by an addition of such monumental importance. Web site hits were also obtained from Singapore, Russia and Portugal, indicating world-wide acceptance of our mission statement (although we don't have one yet).

The Alumni Outreach Program rolled on with a return visit to Zeb Stewart's suburban Philadelphia home. We are happy to report he is now in the "most probably" category. His generous donation to our General Fund and Future Scholarship Fund was rewarded with decals and magnets which now grace his refrigerator. That places our official count at "somewhere north of 25 golfers". Those of you on the fence are forewarned.

End of Universe Narrowly Avoided:

Top physicists argue that the universe was spared yesterday, as the foursome including Coach Harry Groves fell one stroke short of winning his own memorial tournament. If his own name appears on The Cup, they propose, the precise balance of the dark matter comprising
99% of the universe would become unstable. Black holes in the center of the galaxy would then accelerate beyond the speed of light, and all matter would soon become obsolete.

Stephen Hawking was quoted as saying "bweep, dingle, mwoop, borgle, dom", as his voice synthesizer is on the fritz. It is believed to mean he was quite relieved after learning the score.

Overall first place went to the foursome of Clark Haley, Brian Laird/Bill Whittaker, Steve Balkey and Mike McCahill. (Brian Laird had to leave early either to make the Stanley Cup Finals or to meet "clients" at Cafe 210. Inquiries are being made.) A Tournament and Course record of 6-under par place them at the top of this pathetic bunch.

Only one stroke back. the foursome of Paul Mundy, Nick "Special" K, David Baskwill and Coach Groves pushed the leaders in unexpected ways. Coach provided amoral support in the form of four-letter tirades and an uncanny grasp of the rules of golf. An eagle on the par 5 fifth hole was aided by the original Queensbury Rules which state that "Stupid bird-houses on poles are not really barriers to four men with clubs."

Weekend Coordinator Harry Smith's foursome also broke par, despite the fact that Gary Black needed a bag of painkillers just to get to the first tee. He promises next year to bring his bionic, surgically recreated body back for a shot at the title. Post-tournament banquet hosts Steve and Beth Shisler rounded out the game foursome. Stormstown residents are now banding together in order to pass a new noise ordinance to combat the regrettable rowdiness we provided. The recycling center nearby, however, was pleased with the sudden influx of bottles and cans.

Award winners included:

Longest Drive: Beth Shisler (prid'ner near 305 yards) ; prizes included a hybrid club and a Toyota Camry SE

Closest to the pin: Clark Haley (13 feet 10 inches); prizes included a distance-finder and a BMW convertible

Longest Trip: Gary Black (309 miles), Charlottesville, VA; a golf umbrella

Longest Putt: Mike McCahill, 10 feet 10 1/2 inches; a set of iron covers and a Steelers edition pick-up truck

Ghostman Award (Longest time before participating in the event): Coach Groves; a golf hat

Shot-of-the-day: Steve Shisler; a ball retriever, for hitting the parking lot on Hole 9

Rob Whiteside "Brotherhood Award": Coach Groves; a golf book

Numbnutt Award #1: Brian Laird, for leaving early; Spongebob Squarepants golf balls

Numbnutt Award #2: Paul Mundy, for invoking Queensbury Rules; a golf hat

Thanks also to the Honorary Course Marshall for the event Greg Fredericks who allowed the use of rules originally meant for boxing, and his tireless efforts to make putting on Hole 16 memorable. Coach Whittaker is commended for mopping up for Brian Laird on Holes 7-18. We hope to see more Honorary Captains at the next year's event.

Harry Smith performed flawlessly in his first year as Coordinator, providing us with the first smile on Clark Haley's face in 7 years. Clark will continue to enjoy his retirement in the Garden State.

Anything I forgot?