Whine And Dine

 First up, the announcement by Clark Haley of the one-time rules change for the 20th Annual Coach Harry Groves Golf Tourney brought howls of protest from the "real" golfers among us.  The cacophony from the rabble rose to such levels at our reception, that I was worried there would be intervention by the authorities.

 

Announced as a 2 club maximum for each golfer in the foursome, it was soon amended to 3 clubs per golfer.  Still, chaos reigned.  Clark held firm at the 3 club maximum and not the "3 clubs and a putter" demand from the influential group of Fuller Brothers!

The anonymously sponsored open bar added to the general good cheer throughout the night.  The night concluded with a putting contest win by Mike McCahill.

The dawning of a new day led eventually to the start of the Coach Groves Golf Tourney.  While this was happening, an intrepid group continued the traditional climb of Mt. Nittany (started by Spouse the Better) followed by a trip to the Creamery.

Rain held off until well into the outing, and the torrential rains only lasted for one hole, followed by summer-like heat and humidity.  We always see a myriad of conditions on the Mountain View Country Club, although conditions were excellent overall.  The brief shower came over Skimont (or whatever it is called now), as if Bear Meadows knew that PSU distance runners were there and just wanted to say hello.

The 3-club maximum for each golfer led to strange shots throughout the day.  Try putting with a 5-iron! My "bag" consisted of a 5-iron, a pitching wedge and a putter; my 3 best clubs.  None of which I can still hit on a consistent basis.  I did, however, have a number of shots that counted and saved par a few times for our foursome.  The new rules added a fun element, and brought a new strategy and synergy to each foursome.  This format brought everyone closer together, which has always been one of Clark's stated goals.  

The longest drive was recorded by philanthropist Ken Brinker.  The longest putt of more than 22 feet was recorded by co-director Harry Smith (garnering the Smith family another year with the purloined Golden Putter).  Tim Brown placed his shot closest to the pin on the ninth hole.  The furthest traveled alum was Brian Boyer, who brought his family from Vienna Austria!

Overall, scores turned out better than anyone had predicted and there was a tie between 2 foursomes at one-under par for the victory.  The rules for ties were eventually thrown out and it was decided using a complex formula involving Elon Musk's new Twitter algorithm and the volume of whining from each group.

The foursome of Paul Mundy, Harry Smith, Gary Black and  Tom Shiffer were given the nod and will have their names engraved on the cherished "Cup".

The Awards Dinner was held at The Hyatt Place Hotel, and entailed a very good spread of grilled chicken, flank steak, baked potato bar and all kinds of other things.  The chocolate cake was especially enjoyed by Tourney Winner Paul Mundy. We had an inspirational speech from former XC and Track and
Field captain Che Arosemena, now attending the Army War College in Carlisle.

Throw-Up Thursday

 15 years ago...

"The Best One Ever" And A Thank You

The turnout and enthusiasm for the 2017 Penn State Track and Field Alumni Reunion and 2017 Coach Harry Groves Golf Outing were certainly through the roof this year.  And an anonymous long-term attendee of our event described it as "the best one yet".

Thanks certainly go to Founder and Keeper of the Beer Clark Haley and Event Coordinator Harry Smith for putting it all together.  And thanks to everyone involved for rejuvenating my psyche this weekend after a few trying months! My "old" friends and the many new friends I have made were the best medicine I could ever have been given.

I will have much more to come in the coming days about the event, as I must consolidate several sources of pics and videos with my meager digital skills.  Until then, here is a pic of my foursome and the golfers in this year's tourney.

Me, Steve Balkey, Mike McCahill and John Ziegler.

7 Foursomes!

  

My Foursome: A Gimp, a Limp, a Simp and a......

Mike McCahill, Coach Fritz Spence, Tim Johnson and Your Humble Host being photographed by Digital Archive Goddess Kay Warfel. Photo by Mark Hawkins.

I really do need to take lessons.  This was the worst I have ever played.  With no Mulligans, putting strings or other gimmicks, the scramble format exposed my pink under-belly of golfing talent and led to a frustrating afternoon of thrashing and wailing after little white balls.  I'm happy I pay about 25 cents apiece for the little dimpled orbs, as I left quite a few on the grounds of the Mountain View Country Club (formerly the Elks Club Course).


The greens were fast and somehow tilted more than they used to be.  But it was good to see the course in such good shape otherwise.  At least after you slice your shot 2 fairways to the right, you have a splendid view of either Nittany Mountain or Ski Mont (or whatever they call it nowadays!). I didn't even have any "cheater golf balls" left over from previous years. (These balls are slightly smaller than real ones, and have more dimples.  They supposedly were supposed to give me an extra 10 yards on my 150 yard drives.  As if any would ever notice!). Our group started out with 8 straight bogeys, a feat hard to do in the scramble format.  We were truly horrible at first.  But then, something clicked, and we played the last 10 holes at one-under par, right on pace with the best foursomes in our 9 foursome tourney.

My only good shot was 30 foot putt that I made with a twice-bent blade putter from the 1950s.  Several others may have recognized this club, as it was frequently in the extra bag people needed in previous years.  And it was once left on a green and retrieved by a generous alum who could have easily pitched it into the can as a club no one would ever want. It now has putter cover and has been renamed Billy Berue.

The Limp was Mike McCahill who hurt his calf muscle by picking up a golf ball while practicing putting.  I'm not making that up.  He played well despite the increasing limp during the round and I saved him from next-day incapacity by dispensing him some Celebrex after the round, a drug which gave Ken Brinker the ability to retire early to Florida and enjoy the good life. (You're welcome , Ken!)  Mike is a long-term member of our group.  I think he's only missed one Coach Groves Tournament.

The Gimp was Tim Johnson who suffered a debilitating "groin pull" recently playing ultimate frisbee.  I'm not making that up.  He was hoping continued golfing would improve his condition, which may or may not have happened.  Tim also played well at times, but we could tell the groin was holding him back.  I know the feeling, even after 30 some years. I had a groin-pull from fencing class at PSU gym class.  Yeah, I'm that dumb, which brings us to......

The Simp is me, of course.  As one of only 2 or 3 golfers to have braved this tourney every year, you would think I would learn my lesson and either take lessons or give up the game.  A Simp never learns...

The fourth in our group was Coach Fritz Spence.  He even agreed to be The Wimp to make things somewhat complete, but I don't have the heart to follow through with calling him that.  It doesn't fit at all, and neither does Blimp, Primp or Shrimp.  I was happy to share the cart with him as I set up my 7th grader's PSU Track Camp visit to spend time with him as the Women's Multi-Event Coach.  It was a pleasure to meet him and as a Bahamian who knows Mike Sands, I have hope he can help set up our dream of a Winter Coach Groves Golf Tourney in the Bahamas.  I'll bet we can get at least 2 foursomes for Paradise.

Fifth Place is Still in the Top Half! (And Don't Forget to Order a Singlet!)

5)     Bob Hudson, Nick K., Mike McCahill, Beth Shisler (+3)

This crew represents 4 of the original members of our humble group.  Mike McCahill has been  to every one of our tourneys except last year.  One of these year's he'll get his name on The Cup I am sure!

Bob Hudson traveled back home from Buffalo NY with a golf game which is much improved.

Nick K. stayed near home in State College for his 8th appearance in the tourney (I think).  My daughters are still talking about our visit with Nick when he lived in Manhattan.  I need to start those Group Outreaches again!

Beth Shisler must have missed the fairway on Hole 3 or she would again have won the longest drive contest.  Her foundational womens alumni singlet must be easing the pain of letting Gary steal the award from her.

Speaking of Alumni Singlets, orders are now being taken.  Click on the link on the right sidebar to order your very own.  Help spread the word of the world's best Track Alumni Group. The women's version is blue with white lettering, the men's are the classic white with blue lettering.  Your graduation year (or any other year you want!) appears on the right shoulder.  There is also a retro "S" on the back collar.

 

Remembering Manley Field House/Syracuse

My favorite place to run indoors was always Manley Field House in Syracuse NY, (not the PSU Ice Palace!). The track had straightaways that were at most 10 meters long, making the turns about as wide as outdoor tracks. I don't know if that makes records suspect, but so what if it does. Another great part of the whole facility was the huge cemetery across the street for the best warm-up loops ever imagined. (I've always thought cemeteries should contain jogging trails.) And still a third great thing was the huge banks of bleachers that were retracted around the entire circumference of the arena, making it feel like a cozy library with abundant wood paneling. Other PSU runners liked the place as well, as evidenced by the numerous "House Records" held by our athletes:

55 meter hurdles Rick Kleban 6.8 1985

440 yard Mike Shine 47.3 1975
47.3 Mike Sands 1976

1500 meter Larry Mangan 3:44.0 1979

4 X 880 yard (PSU) ? 7:30.9 1976

Distance Medley 10:01.8 1981
Rick Garcia
Gary Black
Mike McCahill
John Zishka

I also set my 5000 m PR there, but will not report the pitiful performance.

Addendum! It looks like it will be a go for the first annual "Horace Award". The manufacturer reports a possible production date for the Golden Putter in Feb. 09. The longest putt on the 18th Green will secure the use of the beauty for a full year.

Winning Four(Five)some Can't Putt!

In a hideous display of inept putting, the winning four(five)some raise serious questions about the legitimacy of their (-6) score. Judge for yourself. A petition is being circulated asking for a congressional investigation of the scorecard. Harold Ickes has left the Clinton campaign to head the effort. Swarms of lawyers are travelling to Florida to contest the scorecard's hanging chads, and to decide if all absentee alum golfer's votes were counted. Bob Gifford is said to be livid as he was not consulted on the card's signing. Signs saying "Selected Not Elected" have been seen along College Avenue.

Wonderful Prizes!

For the first time in the history of the event, three cars were awarded as part of the Prize Package. Donations are already being accepted for next year's event.

Taxes and titles are the responsibility of the winners, but a notary will be on-call for immediate help. Several lawyers can be found wandering the grounds during the tournament, so all bases are covered.

Sign up early for next year's festivities and recieve a 20% discount. The first confirmed alums from the 70's and the 90's will be half price! Bring along another track alum who hasn't come before and be in a drawing for a gas card to defray your expenses in getting to State College. More details and exciting news will be upcoming, so stay tuned to the web-site. Keep us bookmarked for ease in communication.

End of Universe Narrowly Avoided:

Top physicists argue that the universe was spared yesterday, as the foursome including Coach Harry Groves fell one stroke short of winning his own memorial tournament. If his own name appears on The Cup, they propose, the precise balance of the dark matter comprising
99% of the universe would become unstable. Black holes in the center of the galaxy would then accelerate beyond the speed of light, and all matter would soon become obsolete.

Stephen Hawking was quoted as saying "bweep, dingle, mwoop, borgle, dom", as his voice synthesizer is on the fritz. It is believed to mean he was quite relieved after learning the score.

Overall first place went to the foursome of Clark Haley, Brian Laird/Bill Whittaker, Steve Balkey and Mike McCahill. (Brian Laird had to leave early either to make the Stanley Cup Finals or to meet "clients" at Cafe 210. Inquiries are being made.) A Tournament and Course record of 6-under par place them at the top of this pathetic bunch.

Only one stroke back. the foursome of Paul Mundy, Nick "Special" K, David Baskwill and Coach Groves pushed the leaders in unexpected ways. Coach provided amoral support in the form of four-letter tirades and an uncanny grasp of the rules of golf. An eagle on the par 5 fifth hole was aided by the original Queensbury Rules which state that "Stupid bird-houses on poles are not really barriers to four men with clubs."

Weekend Coordinator Harry Smith's foursome also broke par, despite the fact that Gary Black needed a bag of painkillers just to get to the first tee. He promises next year to bring his bionic, surgically recreated body back for a shot at the title. Post-tournament banquet hosts Steve and Beth Shisler rounded out the game foursome. Stormstown residents are now banding together in order to pass a new noise ordinance to combat the regrettable rowdiness we provided. The recycling center nearby, however, was pleased with the sudden influx of bottles and cans.

Award winners included:

Longest Drive: Beth Shisler (prid'ner near 305 yards) ; prizes included a hybrid club and a Toyota Camry SE

Closest to the pin: Clark Haley (13 feet 10 inches); prizes included a distance-finder and a BMW convertible

Longest Trip: Gary Black (309 miles), Charlottesville, VA; a golf umbrella

Longest Putt: Mike McCahill, 10 feet 10 1/2 inches; a set of iron covers and a Steelers edition pick-up truck

Ghostman Award (Longest time before participating in the event): Coach Groves; a golf hat

Shot-of-the-day: Steve Shisler; a ball retriever, for hitting the parking lot on Hole 9

Rob Whiteside "Brotherhood Award": Coach Groves; a golf book

Numbnutt Award #1: Brian Laird, for leaving early; Spongebob Squarepants golf balls

Numbnutt Award #2: Paul Mundy, for invoking Queensbury Rules; a golf hat

Thanks also to the Honorary Course Marshall for the event Greg Fredericks who allowed the use of rules originally meant for boxing, and his tireless efforts to make putting on Hole 16 memorable. Coach Whittaker is commended for mopping up for Brian Laird on Holes 7-18. We hope to see more Honorary Captains at the next year's event.

Harry Smith performed flawlessly in his first year as Coordinator, providing us with the first smile on Clark Haley's face in 7 years. Clark will continue to enjoy his retirement in the Garden State.

Anything I forgot?