Big Ten Championships Begin

The Big Ten Track and Field Championships are underway in Indiana!  The resurgent Men's Team looks to improve from last year's performance while the Women's team attempts a three-peat.  The Men are ranked 22nd in the NCAA standings while the Women are at No. 6.

Big Ten Results

Bribes Involved in First Annual Alumni "Run"!

A sizable contingent of Alumni Golfers have always gotten together for a morning run on Golf Day.  This year, we are trying to make it an organized event for the first time. Come and "run" with Olympians (well, at least one Olympian anyway).

We will meet  precisely at 9:00AM (yeah, right!) for a group "run" at the Outdoor Track.  I expect everyone to show up for a large group photo which we will use to show our enthusiasm and size in order to impress the Alumni Association into allowing us in as an official, recognized  PSU group.The prestige of membership will enhance our application for TARP, Stimulus or Bailout funds. (Just kidding.)

In order to facilitate enhanced participation, bribes , in the form of donuts and coffee, will be utilized.   Participation will entail running, jogging, walking, rolling, riding or crawling 400 meters with us, although liberal allowances will be made for anyone wishing to do less.  Those wishing to do more will then head out into Happy Valley to thunderous applause. It's all about the photo anyway.  Bring family members, dogs, friends, hobos or cardboard likenesses of JoePA if you like.  No one will be turned away.

Government Priorities: A Franklin Field Perspective

A Congressional Committee is looking into the  inequality of bathroom facilities for women in Federal Buildings around the nation.  While I hope all efforts are diverted into this pressing need instead of their current agenda, I am reminded of the restroom facilities at Franklin Field for men, which should make any woman wince at "equality".

Below is a photo of when they improved the facilities at Franklin Field.  Be careful what you wish for.  But they are still better than any bathroom I encountered in rural China!  (Ask me about that some day!)

Biking With the Yanomamo?

Certain Alumni have asked that others bring bikes with them to the reunion in order to recreate some of our old running routes without the hassle of actually running them!  However, the Yanomamo clan of Central PA adheres to its "clothing required" rules now.  This Argentinian super model would be arrested for this recreation of the ancient Yanomamo ritual, often performed as a protest to something (civilization I suppose).  I'm expecting this picture to become the most clicked on photo in quite a while! Don't disappoint me now.

Is President Obama This Year's Special Guest?

The answer is no.  But the wrist band seen in the photo looks remarkably like one of our very own Track Alumni versions.  And we certainly know he likes to golf.   I think he may even be checking out our blog on his Crackberry !

It turns out another attempt at a special guest has fizzled out on me.  I'm used to failure, so I'll recover.  I'll be back next year trying again to lure a celebrity or a famous sort to thrash and pound the little white ball for 4 or 5 hours with us.  We'll have to settle for Gary Black again this year as our special guest.  Treat him with all the respect and prestige due to any esteemed alum.

Last Minute Golf Advice

Actual, real certified golf  tips appear on the blog three times weekly, if you haven't noticed.  I also put my own golf tips for poor golfers on occasionally (to help you stay poor!).  But people still ask me constantly to help them with their golf game so they can join us in defoliating Central PA once yearly in May.  And I'm glad to help anyone with their game.  My advice has been instrumental in several engravings on the Memorial Cup.  My advice has always been to not worry how awful your game is; there is always someone next to you who is worse.  Embrace the suckiness of your game!  Remember, the worse you are, the lower the green fees are per shot.

But for those of you who really desire to improve your game, here's some golf tips from Clark Haley and Harry Smith.  I'm not sure which witch is which, (a Scooby Doo Reference on the blog for only the second time!).

Get Those Cobwebs Off Your Clubs!

Time is really running out on that practice round you promised yourself you would do prior to the Ninth Annual Coach Harry Groves Golf Tournament and Reunion.  Give it up, you know you never keep your promises anyway!  But you could make sure they are still there behind the rakes and shovels in your garage.  And there will be plenty of cobwebs and bugs to clean off, so you ought to get to work on that.

There is still time to join the fun if you've been reluctant  because your golf game isn't up to par.  Very few of us are actually decent golfers, and we ridicule them just as much anyway.  I once started a round with 2 pars and a birdie (can you imagine!) and still failed to attain my best round ever (104). Gary and Zeb can attest to that one!  There are at least three names on The Cup who had never golfed before that day!  And everyone can chip, putt and bitch like Coach does, so give it a go.  Besides, you get to drive a car WHILE drinking, and no one will say a word.  Help the rest of us have something more to make fun of you for by joining in the fray. Your hairline is barely receding and your paunch barely shows, so help us out. Really errant shots are usually rewarded with a great prize anyway.

But if you are still not golfing, no matter what, you can still join in most of the fun with us and even partake in the non-golfing activities we have arranged.  Climb Mount Nittany, visit The Creamery, run, jog, walk, or crawl with all of us at the First Annual Alumni Run(Jog, Walk or Crawl).  Donuts and coffee will be available. Celebrations will be held on both Friday and Saturday nights at Damon's, culminating with Coach Groves' 80th Birthday Party on Saturday night.  A small fee of $10 (to keep our group solvent!) gets you in. Be sure to bring your very own Coach Groves story for everyone.

And here's a great video of Janeane Garafalo and her beloved pets.  I think at least one of them listens to Rush Limbaugh!

May the Fourth Be With You

I missed the May 4th Star Wars celebration because I had no clue about it.  Apparently, all real geeks (I thought I belonged!) know that May 4th is the most "specialist" holiday ever.  I really need to keep up with my pop culture references.

Anyway, here's two videos for just about everyone to help celebrate the day, even though it's a little late.  First, there's a great ASCII version of the original Star Wars for all you retro-geeks.  Then there's a Lego version of all 6 episodes in 2 minutes!

The great Lego version of Jabba the Hutt's Palace is on Ebay right now for only $354, but bidding may drive that price even higher!  I'm definitely in the wrong profession.

Time Travel is Possible

Maybe not with a hot tub, but possible none-the-less.  And I'm using a reliable source for back-up on this one.  None other than Stephen Hawking himself.

When I think of Hawking I'm always reminded of his days as an English boarding school student being tormented by his peers, including National Lampoon's Tony Hendra for his math homework.  Only English Boarding Schools could prepare someone for a life trapped in a wheelchair with a voice synthesizer!

Apparently, Professor Hawking always thought time travel was possible, but refused to discuss it because he was afraid of the abuse he would take.  Now, he says he no longer cares what others think of him and he has let loose with many of his conjectures.  He postulates that only one-way time travel is possible.  Which means you can travel ahead in time and take a run with your great granddaughter or great grandson but not back in time to run with your great grandfather.

Another Reason I Love Philadelphia!

Cheesesteaks, Ben Franklin, soft pretzels, Tasty Kakes and The Penn Relays are some good reasons to love the City of Brotherly Love.  But cops tazering field jumpers brings a smile to my lips.  Some say it is a bit overboard, but I say they could have kicked him too.  Citizens Bank Park is becoming more and more like Veterans Stadium every day!  Don't Taze Me Bro!

Back in the Saddle Again

Following the third place finish in the 4 X 800 at Penn Relays, the 800 U boys jumped right back up on the horse and thrilled spectators at the Payton Jordan Invitational on Saturday.  Cas Loxsom excelled and posted the top NCAA 800 M time so far this year with a 1:46.74 effort!  Ryan Foster also did not disappoint with a 1:47.78.  Lionel Williams rounded out the PSU performances with a 1:49.33 in the event.


Bridgit Franek again threatened the record book with her 15:46.8 in the 5000 M,  off the record of Kathy Mills from 1978 by 13 seconds. Sam Borchers is also rounding into shape,  posting a 3:46.67 in the 1500 M. 

The sprinters traveled to Ohio State where Fawn Dorr and Shavon Greaves both won 2 events apiece.  Dorr demolished the field in the 400 M and the 400 M hurdles while Greaves bested all in the 100 M and 200 M. Additionally, Karlee McQuillen won the javelin for the second week in a row.

The Nittany Lions have a home meet next week in preparation for the Big Ten Championships the following week.

Sometimes it takes more than one attempt to get it right.  This guy had to get back on the horse twice after failing to do a back-flip on a mega-ramp with a Big Wheel! Keep up the hard work and good things will happen.

Unprecedented Practice Round in the Shadow of Three Mile Island!

Or at least the radioactive penumbra!

Jeff Sanden, Gary Black, Mark Haywood and yours truly (three officers in one foursome) braved the perils of Central Pennsylvania in our quest to better our chances of putting our names on The Cup.   Here's a great photo of the three of them with the Three Mile Island Cooling Towers in the Background.

The round went well, as we simulated tournament conditions to the letter (hitting the drink cart girl up twice in the first 9, fudging a shot or two, cursing, scratching and making fun of each other...) with the incredible result of a tournament-best 6-under par!  I smell a berth on the Hall of Honor waiting in the wings.

Here's a recap of the disaster at TMI some of you were not even around for.