Saturday, January 31, 2009

Pole Vaulting Involves Tons of Physics

Brian Boyer has responded! He assures me that the Hadron Collider will NOT end the world when it is turned on this summer. (Good news, I suppose, but I was thinking of spending my 201K* if chances were good). Brian relates Ron Moore should also be in the running to become the official PSU Track Alumni Physicist. Brian states that Ron is "faster and smarter". However, our inclusive group doesn't discriminate on the basis of speed or intelligence (sex, occupation, age or political orientation!). Slow, stupid people like me and Clark Haley have risen to the top of our group through sheer determination and persistence. With any effort at all, everyone can become an idiot officer of our group! If Ron or Brian golf with us, they will replace Stephen Hawking as the Official Physicist.

Apparently, tiny black holes ARE created when these colliders are functioning the way they are supposed to. Brian, through Ron, assures us that none of these will propagate to emperil the whole world. Even though this means we will have many more Coach Harry Groves Golf Tournaments to come, there is no excuse to miss this year's event.

Don Skerpon (the photo is of Don's son Luke) has also communicated over the ether of the internet to let us know he is coming to the event for the first time. And yes, pole-vaulters are welcomed with open arms at our event as long as we don't have to haul those stupid tubes on the side of the golf carts to handle your poles. As pole vaulting done properly involves all kinds of applied physics, it is one of my favorite events. Just because it is the only decathlon event I would take a zero in, doesn't mean I don't like it.

Don also spun a yarn about his flight home from his honeymoon in Hawaii. When making a transfer at San Francisco, he shared a plane with Coach Groves! Coincidence, I think not! Coach has always been EVERYWHERE. My freshman year, Coach would appear twice in every 10 miler, sometimes out in the woods in the middle of no-where. I never talked about it, sometimes I figured it wasn't real. If I mentioned it, maybe I would be hauled away by the white-coats. Can anyone allay my fears; was Coach really there?

Folks, this means we're working on our 7th foursome! Keep it coming guys (and girls!). Remember, you don't need a foursome to enter, we assign them the night before following a complicated procedure involving alcohol, pizza crusts and an alphabetical system centered on the letter "D". In order to be prepared for the event, non-regular golfers are encouraged to watch a Tiger Woods commercial and have mini-golfed at least once in the previous ten years. Our rule of thumb is, go mini-golfing whenever you renew your passport. That will keep you ready for the rigors of our tournament.

*Continued use of political statements threaten the integrity of this blog.

1 comment:

  1. Saying black holes ARE produced in collisions is stretch - it's possible. If they would be created, they would be so small that they would evaporate before doing any harm. (You're pushing my knowledge of black holes - better ask a theorist.)


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