Without Hair: Running With the Knobs

It's been 13 years since I actually trained for a race, a fact I can remember quite easily as that is how old my oldest daughter is. (sic)  I was talked into training for the Disney World Marathon at a time when it was merely a ridiculously crowded race, not THE ridiculously crowded race it has become. Now, anyone who's anyone in the non-running world ends up at Disney each year to partake in the Run for the Park Pass.

I actually took training seriously for the first time since college, even taking PED's (not really, just Creatine, Siberian Ginseng and Echinacea, eventually dooming my chances for success.)  Two-a-days, tempo runs and even the occasional long run led to a fitness peak unrivaled since my Nittany Lion days. All was rosy as I headed out for a Fall vacation week in beautiful Charleston, South Carolina.

My wife, Barb and I took turns pushing the new-fangled, top-of-the-line baby jogger complete with Martha, our barely 5 or 6 pound 6 month-old progeny. The week went well and I even took a twenty mile run through every single neighborhood in the city.  There is no better way to see a city than by taking a long run through it.  The end of the week came and it was time for a few brisk half-mile repeats.  What better way to do repeats than by pushing an underweight 6 month-old around the Citadel during their cross-country practice in a baby jogger meant for a 15-pounder!

Just one repeat into the work-out, a tiny whine emerged from our otherwise fairly quiet baby.  It went away as soon as I started the recovery portion, but resumed again during the second repeat, this time a little more audible.  With my expansive parenting skills (none, still) and post-graduate degree aided intellect (hah!), I figured it must be gas, isn't that what they always tell us?  Alas, it went away again during the second recovery run, so all was well again as I weaved in and out of the "Knobs" also doing repeats of some variety in the Park outside of their Castle. 

The third repeat brought out a whine that now was noticed by others around me, causing some to ask "Is she all right?"   I assured the throngs of hairless cross-country runners that I had the situation under control, as again the recovery portion had silenced the little one in her canvas sling.  "Just one more to do anyway", I thought, what could go wrong?  Milliseconds after beginning the fourth repeat, the whine now caused dogs in the neighborhood to glance up, the "Knobs" to pause their work-out, and me to slink off in hopes the police would not come.

Taking solace in the return of silence from what now seemed like an alien who had replaced my baby in the three-wheeled contraption, I picked her up to finally console her.  What I encountered finally lit the light bulb above my head as to the problem all along.  For those of you ever in the baby-jogger situation in the future, secure your wee one's head in the device before attempting any vigorous runs.  I had rubbed the hair off the back of her head, a mistake in proper parenting that took many months to forget.  Martha had become the youngest female Knob in the citadel's history.

I slunk off in shame.

In my defense, I am now a better parent than these two!        One  and  Two.