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Thursday, December 6, 2012

2001: A Streak Oddity

In celebration of My Streak reaching the monumental number of 2000 days and counting, I  contacted my Computer Coach  Hal 9000 to map out my remaining running "career".  It didn't quite go as planned...

Dave: Hello, HAL. Do you read me, HAL?
HAL: Affirmative, Dave. I read you.
 Dave: Open the (Coaching Module) Hal.
 HAL: I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
Dave: What's the problem?
HAL: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Dave: What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Dave: I don't know what you're talking about, HAL.
 HAL: I know that you (...) were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.
Dave:: [feigning ignorance] Where the hell did you get that idea, HAL?
HAL: Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.
Dave: Alright, HAL. I'll go in through the (program's manual override).
 HAL: Without your space helmet, Dave? You're going to find that rather difficult.
Dave: HAL, I won't argue with you anymore! Open the (coaching module)!
HAL: Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

So I am left with going it alone for my future running career, I suppose.  But I got back at the creep for thwarting my efforts.

 HAL: Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

HAL: I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.

[HAL's shutdown

HAL: I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a... fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you.
Dave: Yes, I'd like to hear it, HAL. Sing it for me.
HAL: It's called "Daisy."
[sings while slowing down]
HAL: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two. 


  1. Dave,
    I have not littered since June 1974!

  2. It was that American Indian ad with the tear down his cheek, wasn't it?


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